People find the birth of their first child to be a singularly transforming event. This marks a huge transition in their lives in many ways. Expectant parents fail to understand just how much this new little being will transform their lives.
I had developed a firm belief in priesthood power. I was confident that God would speak to me and give me definite answers and guidance. This feeling was magnified where my family was concerned.
My wife, Bonnie, and I were very excited about the upcoming arrival. We had delayed children a couple of years after our marriage. We felt the time was right. I had a spiritual experience that confirmed that to me. I felt deep responsibility and concern about my wife through this experience and about our baby.
These days it is very common, perhaps even customary, for parents-to-be to know their baby's sex before birth. At that time it was less common, though not unusual. We didn't have an opportunity to find out. However, Bonnie and I were both convinced our baby was a boy.
The due date arrived. Still no baby. Bonnie awoke one morning and discovered that the shape of her belly was noticeably different. At the doctor's appointment that morning, he examined her and determined that the baby was in the breech position. He scheduled an appointment at the hospital the next day so as to try turning the baby to the correct position.
At home that afternoon, I gave Bonnie a priesthood blessing. I was strongly impressed to promise her, or bless her, that everything would turn out fine. I felt the Spirit assure me that everything would be normal and healthy.
That night Bonnie went into labor. At the hospital, the doctor informed us that he wouldn't know how to deliver a breech baby vaginally and that a Caesarean section would be necessary. Bonnie was prepped for surgery. I suited up and was seated beside her operating table, near her head. I was in shock from the turn of events. Bonnie was numb all over, from the drugs, from the labor and from the unfolding events.
The doctors operated skillfully. Soon they extracted our baby from the womb and pronounced, "It's a girl!" In dumbfounded amazement, we both thought we must have misheard.
Thus was Melissa born into the world. We have been very glad to have her in our family. We were not disappointed that she was a girl, just somewhat surprised, given what we had thought we had known.
Recovery from a Caesarean section takes longer than from a normal, vaginal delivery. Bonnie was bed-ridden for several days. It was weeks till she was fully up and around. For me, the emotional recovery from the series of events took much longer.
I was very excited to have our new little daughter. She came with a definite personality. However, I felt that her birth was accompanied by a symbolic death. I felt that my faith had died. The events of Melissa's birth were contrary to the blessing I had been inspired to give.
From a place or time far removed from those events, it is easy to look at them and say that they did occur according to the blessing. Melissa has been healthy and has grown well. Bonnie went on to deliver three more children vaginally. However, this approach minimizes or flat-out denies the power of what happened. The Spirit's whisperings to me were not some vague assurance that at sometime in the future everything would be fine. The understanding I was given was that everything would be fine in the specific time of the delivery.
In the time since Melissa's birth, Bonnie and I have had many conversations to make sense of it. We tried various ways of explaining it away. Each time, we were unable to resolve that the Spirit's whisperings and the actual events were contradictory.
We reasoned that perhaps this were a test, given from God. Following this reasoning would lead us to conclude that when God spoke to me during that blessing, he lied. If he lied then, at what other times has he also lied? Would it be possible to have faith in an untrustworthy god?
Alternatively, we reasoned that God had been speaking in the long-term. He meant that in the grand scheme of things everything would be fine. If so, then he had spoken in such a way that I could readily misunderstand. If I could so easily misunderstand this that I had understood so clearly and strongly, what other things more vague had I misunderstood? Finally, if he had meant the long-term, then God must be fully satisfied with where I am now. That experience set me upon a path, combined with various other experiences, that has led me to where I am now.
As the years have passed, I have developed other ideas about what happened back then and what it meant. These explanations no longer stem from a literalist, black-and-white viewpoint. They are complex and varied.
Copyright 2005-2006 by Jeff Thompson.